Thoughts of a Confused Fat Man

Long Time no Speak

2006-04-04T18:33:00.000-07:00

So I was randomly searching through my old files and web links when I came across the link to this very page. I, at that point, thought to myself..... well maybe I should write something to help fill the void in everyone's lives. Ok.... so im egotistical... but isn't that why you love me? Ill type more later when I actually give a shit about writing something.

For no..... I'm gonna go watch "Lord's of Dogtown"

Poetry 3

2005-11-29T08:27:00.000-08:00

Balance

Seeing
Seeing without looking
And looking without seeing
With both in focus the vision becomes clear
Hearing
Hearing without listening
And listening without hearing
Using one without the other leaves you deaf
Feeling
Feeling without believing
And believing without feeling
Without both you feel empty inside
Love
Love without disappointment
And disappointment without love
They are the scale life is measured on
Thinking
Thinking without knowing
And knowing without thinking
They thrive in perfect harmony
Faith
Faith without devotion
And devotion without faith
Brotherhood can be found on common ground
Dreams
Dreams without aspirations
And aspirations without dreams
One can always strive to be more then they are
Seeing, Looking,
Hearing, Listening,
Feeling, Beliving,
Love, Disappointment,
Thinking, Knowing,
Faith, Devotion,
Dreams, Aspirations
...... Balance!

More Poetry

2005-11-04T02:11:00.000-08:00

More random works from my twisted mind.... honestly I don't know what i'm thinking half the time.

Chocolate or Vanilla

The wind gently rustles the leaves on the ground
Blowing from one side of teh yard to the other
For them life is so simple
When they bloom they are a leaf
When they fall in autumn they are still a leaf
They don't have to fight the traffic on the DVP
No boss that pushes them all day
No troubles and no cares
Just one job...... make oxygen
When it is time to go they say nothing, leave no one behind
They just fall to the ground after dancing in the wind
They help feed the new batch
Yep, definitely a leaf in the next life..........
That or a milkshake!

Poetry

2005-11-02T20:07:00.000-08:00

So I decided that since I am horrible at keeping this thing up to date, i would start to add my poetry to this thing. I always loved writing peotry.. well at least I think that it is poetry.... let's see what the world thinks.

Poem...................

Today is just another day,
I wake up and I think of you.
Today is just another day,
I reach for my packs... I need my smokes.
Today is just another day,
I chug the left over kool-aid..... it's warm.
Today is just another day,
I finally move..... you are still on my mind.
Today is just another day,
I turn on the shower... all the hot water is gone.
Today is just another day,
The house is empty... all I do is think.
Today is just another day,
I find a picture of us... we were happy.
Today is just another day,
I think of what would be if we were together.
Today is just another day,
I know I could make you happy.
Today is just another day,
I go through the day wanting to hold you.
Today is just another day,
It's 1:30 I go to sleep with you in my dreams.
Tomorrow is just another day.

More poems to follow later........

2005-10-31T16:15:00.000-08:00

Ok... time for another rant......

You know what I'm sick of? Halloween and these god-damn awful kids. I remember when Halloween used to be fun and now it is simply a chance for kids to be rotten. Now my mother has told me repeatedly that when i was a kid I was rotten too, that I expected something for nothing. But I dont remember it that way. Halloween used to be fun. I would dress up and go all out in makeup and costumes and would walk around with my best friends and little brother (before he became an asshole) and we would have one HELL of a time (no pun intended). My mom used to do my makeup and she would have fun too. Even my dad, before he passed away, a ultimate british gentlemen used to get a kick outta all hallows eve. But now kids are lazy..... kids are greedy... and kids are spoiled. They don't have to work for the candy anymore, they don't even have to walk around anymore. The fucking parents of the world drive their lazy obbese (ya i spelt that wrong, i suck at spelling) kids aound in their mini vans to pick up their candy. I used to come home and collapse in a heap after trick-or-treating and then I would gorge on my horde! I know it is coming to the time when the kids of the world will have their candy delivered to them.. ands that makes me sad and angry. GET OFF YOUR ASSES YOUNG CHILDREN AND WORK FOR YOUR DAMN TREATS! Ok enough ranting. If you, like me, celebrate the true meaning of All Hallows Eve then my the spirits of your dead bless you with a good year. Remember your loved ones are always watching after you and you can always count on them to protect you! Happy Halloween all!!!!

Damn Relief Efforts

2005-10-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

Ok I suck. I never write in this damn thing because I never really have anything funny to say. Nor do I truly give a shit about anything that happens in the world. But most recently a few things have got me wondering what is going to happen to us in the near future. Is it just me or has the natural disaster rate gone up like 10 fold in the last 2 years? There have been so many hurricanes this year we have been through the name base. Tsunamis have ravaged the asian coasts and main lands.. and now to top the whole "holy shit we are all going to die" situation off, earthquakes are killing people by the thousands. Isnt this technically a sign of the apocolypse? I can understand that these acts of nature of horrifying and needs the attention of the world, but are any of you as sick as i am of fucking people asking for relief efforts. The most recent disaster is the earthquake that devestated pakistan and other parts of the middle east. I was watching the news about it (thank you City Tv news for giving me coverage that isnt biast) and was furious at canada's reaction. We at first pledged 300 thousand dollars for relief efforts, but yesterday the amount was increased to 20 million! WHAT THE FUCK... STOP BEING THE FRIENDLY FUCKING NATION!!! I am so damn sick of Paul Martin and liberals spending money on countries that in the long run dont give a shit about us. Katrina was a farce too..... my brother brought up a good point when New Orleans was rocked by flood waters.. he said "where was america when the ice storm hit?" He usually is an insensative asshole but this time he made sense. In a rough estimated grand total, Canada has pledged just over 1 billion dollars in relief funds this past year, and I AM SICK OF IT. Our money can be better used elsewhere. Dont give money to pakistan... as a country with an open boarder policy half the country lives here anyways. Stop showing us commercials of crying children and emotional unstable black folks in New Orleans... I dont care anymore! Stop flooding the airwaves with Actors and Actresses asking for help when 6 out of 10 of those people havent given a dime. Stop having fucking telethons and primetime fundraising specials staring ARON NEVILLE AND RANDY NEWMAN..... THATS RIGHT RANDY FUCKING NEWMAN???!!!!! THESE PEOPLE DONT HAVE A CAREER ANYMORE AND SUDDENLY THEY ARE HEROS FOR SINGING A SONG ABOUT WATER? GOD HOW I HATE THEM! And stop asking people like my mother and many other single income families out there for money that they dont have. Maybe is it high time that the government starts paying attention to national crisis' and national concerns instead of trying to look good internationally. Maybe it is time for the world to deal with their own shit instead of dumping it on others. Maybe these disasters are meant to happen.. after all... in nature we would call it............. THINNING OUT THE HERD! Fuck you world... I DONT GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE!

2005-08-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

God im absolutly horrible at keeping this thing up to date. I apologize to anyone that might actually read this blog for my apparent lack of writing skills. Hmm what has life been like since i wrote that last post. Things kinda improved but not really. I am looking forward however to tomorrow when myself, noah, and diana and jesse paikin (have you all met him?) are heading up north for 5 days. we are going to college staff Nel Camp.. which has me excited and nervous as well. It has been 4years since ive been there and I am worried that my legacy has died. Nel was the only good thing in my life back then and I dont want my memories to be dashed. On the brightside, my mom made me some new clothes (YAY IM NOT A BUM ANYMORE!) and I bought new shoes (OOOO AAHHHHH). So what is with people gettnig married? Whenever i see someone from high school these days they tell me "Hey do you know who is getting married?". It seems like everyone that i know is getting hitched. Weird how that happens.... but you know what pisses me off the most? All these people are getting married and I am still single... DAMNIT! You know what i miss? Parties. Big parties... the ones that get raided by cops. Ok enough ranting... here are my results from taking steve's tank quiz

You're a French Renault R-35

You didn't really have a chance to prove yourself
since you capitulated faster than Afghanistan.
Good thing, because you were shitty. Really
shitty. A German sheperd could have bite
through your armor. Strangely, Renault cars
didn't improve
either over the years. Conclusion: People beat
you and if by some chance they don't, you
deserve it.

Which WWII Tank are you ?
brought to you by Quizilla

Depressed and Crying

2005-07-04T22:30:00.000-07:00

So the current day is Tuesday and roughly 2 am in the morning. This can mean only one thing.. the cottage weekend is over and once again my Broke-Ass missed out on a good time. I am so depressed right now... I was looking forward to this weekend excursion for a long time, but once again my financial situation got the best of me. I had the cash... but as per usual...they left my hand too quickly. Once people know I have money they seem to want it from me. So now I have nothing to look forward to this summer. This has me very depressed. For the first time in a long time I actually considered not living anymore. I know it sounds to harsh a thing for me to be actually saying, but it is true. I wondered if i could get a gun and just blow my brains out. Then i realized that I couldnt afford a gun even if I wanted to. I thought about pills........... but wear would i get the amount of meds i would need? I even started to write the letter to those that actually care about me... and I realized that the list is pretty short. Other then Noah and a select few... no one would miss me all that much. So i sat in the bathroom for a while and cried... which made me even more depressed because i realized that I was crying in the bathroom. My brother and my mother treat me like shit constantly. They seem like they are nice people but when no one is looking they revert back to beat caleb around mode. Today my brother actually slapped me on the ass and told me to move it. Then he threw sprite in my face like some cheap hooker. My mom calls me her bitch and says that because I dont have a job and i dont pay rent I have to pay in sweat. So evcery chance she gets she pushes me around. This makes me almost want to die. But I know that I couldnt, besides... who would clean up the mess. Well I am glad that I had the opportunity to write down what i am feeling.. plz dont feel bad for me... what makes me feel worse is knowing the people might feel like they have to pity me. If i make it to August I might be able to finally escape for a week up north.. but even that looks unlikely. Well I'm off to cry myself to sleep... and i hope that no-one hears me...... cause that would suck.

Ever wonder?

2005-06-27T12:32:00.000-07:00

Ok so I know that I haven't been very faithful to the blog. I feel bad that I haven't really kept you interested. But then today I was looking through the Mayfield Blogs... and I came across Natalies new page design... very cool. Then low and behold I saw my name amonst the links to other bloggers... so yay Natalie.... you made my day. Supposed to be going to Brians cottage this weekend.. but unfortunatly it is looking more and more likely that I won't be able to go after all... which makes me sad. There are a number of reasons that I can't go... the first being that I don't have quite enough cash to warrent bringing me... the other bigger problems that I am facing for this weekend is that I don't have an air-mat anymore (mine sprung a leak) and I also don't have a tent. So sleeping could be an issue... i dont know what I am going to do. I really want to go, i mean i haven't seen these poeple in forever, and I miss hangin out with them. This whole situation has me depressed... Im going to go try and figure everything out now.. if you have any suggestions.... please leave some love and advice.

MID-YEAR RESOLUTION: Promise myself to go out to London more often next year to spend some time with the Western Folk...

...........That and finally shave :(

It certainly has been awhile

2005-05-19T16:50:00.000-07:00

So i thought since i have some time to kill before my mom comes down and wants to use the computer.... i would take some time and write a quick blog.

A QUICK BLOG

see wasn't that funny? Ok i thought it was...... apparently i find things funnier then they actually are. My life is no longer part of this world.. but actually in a world that doesnt really exsist. I am obsessed with playing a game called the World Of Warcraft. Ok im a nerd.. but i loved the games as i was growing up... and now i love this massive online role playing game.

Not much to report about what is going on this world. Im super psyched about going to slicks cottage this july long weekend. Its been to long since ive seen these guys and gals (holla mayfield folk) so it should be a weekend to remember. I spent this past weekend in the crappyly wonderful city of hamilton ontario. I was college staffing an event for the youth group that i used to be involved in. It was enlightening to see that things have changed completely since i was a member... so it is easy for me to say that i no longer miss it. I am probably gonna college staff their summer camp.. along with noah, jesse, diana, and lauren... so am also waiting for that to happen. Getting out of toronto wouldnt be a bad thing either. So thats it for me.. i think my mom wants the pc now... ill try and get back to posting more often... ahh who am i kidding... here i come Kalimdor!

Why Does God Hate Me? Part Deux

2005-04-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

So i thought since i am sitting ere waiting for the repairman to finish fixing my god-damn appliences.. i thought I would blog. As you can tell by the date on this blog... the guy was unable to fix everything on friday. The current day is monday and finally he has shown up.... I GET A NEW DISHWASHER.... YEEHAWWWWW BIOTCH!!!!! NO MORE DISHES FOR ME!!!!!!!!! sorry bout that... im excited because no longer will dishpan hands plague me. And.... i get a new washing machine as well... so needless to say.. im super happy. Farbsy is coming home this weekend to see a Jays game and to hang out with his woman... so i get to see him too which makes me happy...........

if only i could get a hold of jesse..... when is he back from NYC?

so here is the plan for the rest of day.... 1: Pay the man 2: Shower 3: Do laundry 4: Eat 5: Jack the One Eye'd nun... and 6: Watch coverage of St Peters Square at the Vatican and watch the silly Roman Catholics cry... I love being Jewish.. it's FAAANNNNTASSSTIC! (I apologize if i have offended anyone... i didnt mean too... To quote from one of my fave movies "Dogma" Catholics don't celebrate their faith... they mourn it! - The Muse)

Why Does God Hate Me?

2005-04-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

So i have recently come to the conclusion that either....

A: God Hates Me
B: I live a life similar to Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory (They are watching me and just waiting to fuck me any chance they get)
C: There is a law that says when something bad happens it happens in threes
or D: I have an unruly house elf that needs to be given clothes

You see, here is the predicament that I am in. Roughly 3 weeks ago my dishwasher broke down. I knew it would happen eventually.. quite frankly it was a piece of shit when we bought it... but it worked and i didnt have to do dishes anymore. Flash forward to 2 years later.. and the damn thing just stops working. So I am back to washing dishes by hand (thank you palmolive for protecting me from dishpan hands). I thought things were over after that... get a new dishwasher and everything will be just fine.... buuuuuuuuttttt noooooooooooooo! Once again the powers that be (fuck you whoever you are) decied that it was time for my washing machine to shut down as well. Im guessing it thought to itself... "hey, if the dishwasher doesn't have to work then why should I?" So here is where things stand right now....

A: The current time is 8:30 in the damn morning... me and morning don't share common ground.... how i loathe thee mornings
B: I can't poop. I know it sounds gross and you are thinking to yourself... "ok... way to much info" but apparently the answer to a case of the trots is not Imodium AD but quite simply can be solved by 5 Grilled Ham and Cheese Sandwichs.
C: I am wearing dirty clothes right now... and i smell kinda like a Yeti. I would shower but I figure whats the damn point until I have some clean clothes.
D: It's April Fools Day... and no one in my family can really take a joke.. so I am bored.
and finally E: I fell out of bed last night and apparently I injured something in my shoulder.

This is my life right now. I am waiting for the repairman now. He's from Karl & Sons Appliences and I am hoping he can fix everything today. To steal a theme from Briana's Blog....

Things I Want to Do Before I DIE: Find the Gremlin responsible for everything breaking down in my house and kick him square in the nuts.

Alcohol Test.... and apparently im an alcoholic

2005-03-20T18:54:00.000-08:00

ok so here are my results from the alcohol test on brianas blog... i think i did better then her... did you do better then me? let me know!!!

Bourbon
Congratulations! You're 127 proof, with specific scores in beer (80) , wine (83), and liquor (104).

Screw all that namby-pamby chick stuff, you're going straight for the
bottle and a shot glass! It'll take more than a few shots of Wild
Turkey or 99 Bananas before you start seeing pink elephants. You know
how to handle your alcohol, and yourself at parties.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 50% on proof
You scored higher than 90% on beer index
You scored higher than 93% on wine index
You scored higher than 96% on liquor index

Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid

Mishap with a Shaver

2005-03-04T01:02:00.000-08:00

So tonight I finally found the time to get my haircut... but heres the thing, i hate the barber. Well thats not true.. i like my barber.. but i hate mirrors. And quite frankly.. the barbershop is full of mirrors. So I endevoured to cut my hair myself. I failed... so I had to call a friend over to do it for me. She did an ok job.. considering that I didnt give her much to work with.. so now I look kinda like a monk. It isnt a flattering haircut.. but quite frankly.. it beats the hell out of having hair in my eyes. It was getting ridiculous and now i feel better rather then gross.

ok time for a riddle...............

a guy heads downtown for an evening of debauchery and fun. He decides to head to this nighclub where it is members only. So he waits just around the corner of the building to see how the members get in. One member walks to the door and knocks. The doorman says "twelve" the man replies "six" and he gets in. A few minutes later another member walks up to the door and knocks. The doorman says "six" and the gentleman replies "three" and he gets in. Convinced he knows how to get in now.. the guy makes for the door. He knocks and the doorman says "ten" and the guy replies "five" and he was not let in....

what should he have said?

Let me know your guess by posting your answer as a comment.... the answer will be posted in a few days.. good luck to all!

Smallville and Shepards Pie

2005-02-23T18:34:00.000-08:00

So tonight is shaping up to be the highlight of the week... even after my plans were dashed so violently last night. Originally I was supposed to have a movie "date" with my friend Jess... but that fell through because she couldnt get a car. I like watching movies with Jess, so needless to say I was bummed. I woke up regardless of my feelings this morning and proceeded to go about my daily ritual of lighting a smoke.. walking to the bathroom.. lighting another smoke... using the bathroom.. lighting a smoke... turn on shower... shower (while smoking) dry off.. watch cable pulse 24 (or maybe the ellen degeneres show) until the news at noon. The afternoon was filled by a bloody battle against the Pesians and the Nubians (Rise of Nations) and thats when my day turned for the better. Not only is my favourite hour drama on tonight but my brother is making his infamous shepards pie. Im super excited becuse he hasn't made it in a really long time. The hour long drama by the way is called....... Smallville. Its the story of a young Clark Kent growing up in the small country town of.... well.... Smallville, USA. Its exciting and pointless fun for the masses and I enjoy it throughly. Thats the plan for tonight. My friend Dave (Some of you might know him as Vaisberg) has invited me to go to Cinncinatti with him this weekend while he checks out the HUC (Hebrew Union College) down there. He told me it is free and everything has been paid for.. he just doesnt want to go alone. Makes sense to me.... but i'm not sure if i can go. I dont have a passport.. nor do have the funds to go... but I am going to try and work it out anyways... i'll post again when I know more... ciao for now fellow bloggers!

Re-connecting

2005-02-17T16:20:00.000-08:00

I love the fact that all these wonderful Brampton people have decided to write blogs. I met them a few years ago.. and they make me really happy.. they are such wondeful people. The hours we have spent in Farbers pool and Backyard are some of my fave memories. I hope I can see them again soon.. cause I kinda miss them. (If you read this Geoff or Natalie..... have a fantastic trip and I want a souvinier when you get back... maybe some sand from the beaches.. i like sand)

On a side note the Brand Spankin New Survivor Palau starts tonight and I am way to happy that it is starting. My thursday nights can now be complete once again... ok Im a nerd.. but what do I care. I like Jeff Probst... in a non-sexual kind of way.

My cousin from Edmonton came by last night. His name is Adrian and he is really awesome. He's kinda quiet though.. which i find weird.. (you would too if you knew my family) but still I had a good time. He comes in once a year so it is always nice to see him.

My little Farber won his election.. which makes me very happy.. bnut his friends lost theirs.. which makes me not so happy... so im conflicted. I wish I knew what kind of card to send him.. a "way togo and sorry your friends lost" card hasnt been made by Hallmark yet. I should make a card for him... in fact... im gonna do that now

Not Sure Where I Stand

2005-02-15T07:21:00.000-08:00

Ever been in a situation where you are just not quite sure where you stand? For example.. perhaps in a department store.. looking for something you are not quite sure that you need. Or at a public event.. where you are not sure where the stage is? Well this is the situation in my world right now. Like im standing around not quite sure where to look. My Mom is sick which always kinda freaks me out.. I know people get sick and that it is normal to feel ill sometimes... but when a parent gets un-well.. It seems a little stranger. Almost like they could never get sick.. they protect you when you are sick.. how can they get ill? Im was still again for yet another Valentines Day.. which kinda makes me sad and feel sorry for myself.. but I'll get over it. I was single for Feb. 13th and Im single for Feb. 15th.. it's no biggie. My best friend has been so busy that we can never find a minute to talk anymore.. which is unsettling.. but ok nevertheless. Being busy means he is tired but happy. My other best friend is going to Israael for the summer, and although I am so very excited that he gets the opportunity to do this.. I am kinda bummed that we can't hang out all summer. This is the story of my life.. not quite going bad but still not quite right. Who knows? Life will work itself out I hope!

A Response to A Confused Jew

2005-02-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

So I read this blog by my friend Jesse (www.phantomphilosopher.blogspot.com) and he wrote some stuff that had me concerned.. well this confused fat man had to respond.. heres what i wrote..(im posting this because I come off sounding intelligant.. which is rare for me)

......................................................................................................................................................................

Thinking about god has the tendency to cause the mind to start asking questions.. That quite honestly are things that the mind are not meant to ask. I believe that the main reason we have such problems thinking about god... is because god influenced the human brain, somewhere along the way, to start fuckin up when you think to hard about him/her (him if you believe that he is a he... her if you watched DOGMA.. but really... alannis as god.. kind of a stretch don't you think Kevin Smith?)

Here’s the thing about me though... I am not a creationalist... nor an evolutionist.. I am an interventionalist. I believe that evolution started to develop our species.... but somewhere along the way A "higher power", whatever it may be, gave it a shove. This belief structure however has convinced me that, though god does exist, God has left us to our own devices. I am also a Reform Jew, but what you have said about feeling more comfortable around Kesher kids or Cons/Ortho Jews, is not the feeling that you think it is. Feeling more Jewish around these groups is common. I do not consider myself a good responsible Jew, however I know that I am Jewish. Being that way I am influenced whenever I see anything Jewish. When I am watching television and they have a Jewish moment on a typically goyish series, it makes me smile and say "nice.... random Jewness" You, Jesse, have had a higher Jewish factor in your life, so the ultimate result is that you are impressed by your own "random Jewness". Knowing the teachings of Hashem, and the way that these groups follow those teachings, is not the same as being involved as they induct those teachings into their lives. By saying that you are a Reform Jew is a statement with astronomical ramifications. You have told your mind that you choose to choose. Being a Reform Jew gives you that right to choose. It is that very reason my Mom converted to Reform Judaism instead of one of the other sects of our beautiful religion. You can choose to follow the teachings in a way that suits your personality, which can only be described (if you know him, outside readers) as odd at best. You are an original, and it is for that very reason I have formed a life long friendship with you. When I look back and see certain people within our lives at the people have asked the same questions as you (Marc Herman and Daniel Silverman) it saddens me to see that bright individuals have allowed themselves to be consumed by questions and doubt. Doubt of whether or not they are Jewish enough. They have chosen... not to choose, but rather follow blindly in what they think I right. The right to choose, however, is a gift from God. It is a beautiful thing. Sometimes called free will, the right to choose is a common trait in almost every religion. Every religion believes that choice is what separates us from lower species. I am not saying that Orthodox or Conservative Jews, or even Kesher folk, are a lower species. I would never think myself better then any human being regardless of religion. I'm just often concerned that they follow teachings that, they themselves (the rules), are based and founded on free will. I’m getting off track here... God and evolution has blessed this planet with all its wonders. Fearing the concept that God doesn't exist is foolish. Atheism, regardless of what people think of those who choose to follow its belief structure or lack there of, is still a choice. To admit a belief that God doesn't exist is an oxymoron, due to the fact that this trait was ultimately created by that which they don't believe in. So fear not young Paikin (young paikin... shit.. you're only a year younger then me ferchrissake) your worries are not based on confusion, but based on history. Everyone, past, present and future, have "wrestled with God" at some point in their life. Worrying that you feel more "at home" with other members of your faith rather then in your synagogue. is pointless. A shul is just a building... when people say that they are in God's house.. it makes me laugh. If every shul, church, mosque, temple, or whatever... was god's house.... then God is one pimped out Real Estate Agent. Shuls are just wood, concrete, and brick... not a religious home. The religious home is the body... and your center of belief is your mind. People come and go in a temple.. but your beliefs follow you wherever you go. Look back to when we were in NFTY-NEL.. back to camps.... we prayed outside.. that isn't even a building.. but we felt religiously justified praying there. The choice is ultimately yours to make but I hope my "two cents" have helped clear a few things up in your mind. I’m going to post this in my blog as well... because I feel kind of intelligent right now.. I'm probably just full of hot air.. but whatever.. it makes sense to me. Rock on Paikin... keep asking questions.. It makes you a better Jew!

************************************************************************************

see i told you i sounded smart! hee hee!

im ill it sucks.... that's all

Old Friends: Make me Smile and Terrified

2005-01-17T18:36:00.000-08:00

Ok.. so after that last blog.. some of you might be wondering if everything is ok. Well it now is. Im not really sure what I was thinking when I wrote that blog.. perhaps it was written in pure anger. However, a surprise was waiting for me in my email when I opened it up a few days later. One of my oldest and dearest friends had written me a message telling me that it was alright. That got me to thinking about the old times when it used to be my old school hebrew crew. They were my closest friends on the planet. I was always popular in school (at least after they realized to look past my appearance and see me for me) but this group of people I could talk to. I attended hebrew school with these people, we grew up together, and we shared in all our joys and pains. They were the first ones there when my father passed away almost 12 years ago. They helped me through the bad times and I am eternally grateful for all that they provided me with. This person who wrote me the message though.. really now that I think about it is my oldest friend. True enough we don't talk much anymore, but looking back we have been friends since kindergarden. She was this bushy haired little girl with a passion for life. She moved to another school sortly there after but we were re-united when we started sttending the same hebrew school. Our families became close too. Our mothers became like sisters.. and her father became the male role model in mine and my brothers life. Many holidays we would spend together and looking back on those days I can only smile. Thank you Michelle for providing me with your warmth and kindness.

Now the other part of the title of this blog, is that friends have me terrified as well. Another one of my oldest friends, the phantom philosopher himself, Jesse, was recently in a situation that had me in nightmares for a few days now. He was robbed in Israel.. hours before he was to come home. Everything was taken from him. His beautiful guitar, his passport, money, clothing, but most importantly his Prayer Shawl or Tallit as we of the jewish faith call it. When hearing all this I was terrified for my friend. Terrified that he couldn't come home right away. Terrified that nothing could be done to stop this injustice. And for someone like me, who has a prety good understanding of his surroundings, not being able to do anything makes me feel useless. He is home now.. but knowing that at the time I couldn't do anything gives me nightmares. I never hope that anything this horrible happens again. I am glad you are safe Jesse, welcome home.

Other then that things around here stay the same. The temperature makes me sad. I like cold weather but I feel like slapping Mother Nature for inventing this thing called a wind chill. Without this accursed flaw in the weather, the temperature is not so bad. -7 is tolerable.. but with the goddamn wind chill it is -25. I know some of you are rading this going.. he is crazy.. he loves the cold.... well i do but not like this.The other part of exciting news for me is that my monday night staple.... Raw is War is being broadcasted live from the T Dot tonight. Ok so wrestling is cheezy.. but I lke it. To me it is a soap opera for men... hey at least I don't watch Passions. Until next time my faithful blog-stalkers.. this is Caleb ending his rant.

i hate my family

2005-01-14T19:43:00.000-08:00

once again i have been screwed over by my fucking ungrateful family. We discussed what we were going to have for dinner and i thought that all was well.... guess what i was wrong. This is the last time I am going to put up with their tyranical bullshit. What fucking gives them the right to just call me up and say "hey guess what you're screwed slave" god i wish at times they would just leave me the fuck alone. I don't know what to do. I can't punch the walls anymore.. as for the fact that my house is starting to look like a piece of shit. I can't scream because there is no one to scream at. I've considered suicide just for the sheer escape but then i realized that I don't have the guts to kill myself... nor really the means.. so thats out. So what does that leave me? Nothing... it's been a shitty week... first my grandfather has a massive coonary... so he's dying, it sucks. Then I keep waking up with these massive headaches that leave the room spinning. I think that my neck is out but I don't like going to the chiropractor. Im still unemployed, which leaves me with the question of how I am supposed to make my mom's birthday anything special without any funds.. and I have to pay my bills. So thats got me depressed beyond words. Also the only thing that I really require in life, my smokes, my brother is saying that he won't purchase for me anymore. He says that I am really threatening my supply of nicotine if I don't do as he says.... and really.. i'm the older fucking brother... he should be doing my bidding. Fuck that arrogant shithead. He thinks he is so powerful... I can't really take it anymore...... any suggestions world? Anything... even some kind words would be much appriciated. Well im outta here... I have to go do what my family wants........ again!

The Man in the Iron Mask

2005-01-11T10:17:00.000-08:00

So..... current time is 10:01 am on Tuesday morning. Im kinda weirded out right now... so I figured I would write a blog to kinda help me sort out what is going on in my head. The situation: 1: like i said it's 10:01am and I didn't go to sleep last night intil about 4:30.. almost five. Normally that would be enough but what I failed tp mention is that I have been up for a couple of hours. 2: I have a smoke dangling from my mouth like some over used lollipop stick... it's weird.... why haven't I lit it? 3: The movie "The Man In the Iron Mask" is on A&E right now. It's a wonder adaptation of the classic Dumas novel, with a spectacular cast insluding the likes of... Leo DiCaprio, John Malkovich, Gabriel Brynes, Jeremy Irons, Gerad Depardue, and many others. 4: My Grandfather out in Edmonton had a massive coronary. This is what has got me thinking. It's not like I really knew the man, in fact the only time I have ever seen him I was 4 months old... and I dont't remember that.My brother has spoken to him a few times, mostly about cars and hunting and fishing.. things that really don't excite me. My mom is freakin because she is stuck here in Toronto and being, as she put it to my grandmother, a single income family with a couple of dinks. So this is why I am sitting not really paying attention to much of anything. I wish I had the resources to send my mother out west to be with her family, i wish I had the foreknowledge to get to know the man before he passes, and i wish I felt worse about it. To tell you the truth the main thing I am worried about is the fact the heart attacks are now on both sides of the family.. now i really have to shed some pounds before any troubles arise. So this is going to be my new years resolution... I have to loose some weight before the situation gets worse.. I'll keep you posted about how it is going as it progresses... wish me luck!

Gahhhhh!

2004-12-20T17:25:00.000-08:00

So currently it is Monday december 20th... that means that not only have I only got 5 days to buy gifts, but I haven't bought a single gift. The good news however is that I am doing all my shopping in one big swoop. Im heading out to the wonderful city of Brampton, Ontario to do all my shopping and spend a cople of days with my best bud. I'm kinda looking forward to hanging out with him because I haven't really done that for a couple of months. Still have no clue what I am going to purchase for my family. I have about 300 bucks to spend so I am hoping that will be enough.

A friend of mine recently said something interesting to me the other day while a was playing euchre online. He went alone on really nothing and he managed to take the entire hand. When asked about such a strange act he replied justly.... "I like random acts of aloneness" This entrigued me. Random acts of aloneness are usually frowned upon by general society. The norm is tp try and reach out to someone, tomake friends wherever possible. But sometimes (i have recently become to believe) random acts of aloneness maybe helpful to the soul. So I urge any and all who read this to go out there and try spending some time with yourself.

Ever feel like god? I recently found a copy of the game "Age of Empires" It's a crappy Direct X 5 windows 95 game that I used to really enjoy. While playing it I came to realize that in the world of these small villagers and soldiers, a click of the button by me and their world changes drastically. Ok so I know that is a game but really where else in life does a person find themselves in the position of god. It kinda scared me because the very same level I came to realise this...... i lost horribly. What does that mean? Does that mean I am a bad god? The next time I play that game.. I'll be more careful.

Ever feel like joining me for a little online Euchre? Then join my league at www.myleague.com/jeuchre its a lot of fun! We play all our games in Yahoo... Beginner lounge 3. In case I don't see you Merry Chirstmas or Hannukah or Kwanza or whatever you celebrate. Tis the season to be jolly.. fa lalalalala lala la la

A New Post

2004-12-11T18:34:00.000-08:00

So Jesse says I don't post enough messages on my blog. So here ya go Jesse another blog just for you. Last night I hung out with my boys, which I haven't done in quite a while. It was nice to see them again and I am really looking forward to hanging out with them again over the holidays. We played a little poker and watched a little television, but mostly we talked and found out what has been going on in our lives over the past two months. Here's to the Butcher, the Baker and the Candlestick Maker.. friends forever. By the way I am considering joining a production of the Tempest... any suggestions if I should or not?

Never enough Money

2004-12-02T01:57:00.000-08:00

So with Christmas coming... sorry... I mean Hunnukah, I have so much shopping to do and never enough money to get everything i want to get everyone. There are times I wish I would win the damn lottery then I would never have the problems of not being able to afford everything I want to get them. I have a few ideas of what I want to get people this year. However I find that once again the list of people I have to buy for has grown. I have no idea what to get these people but i'm sure that eventually I will figure it out. At least I don't have a girlfriend to buy anything for... thats a relief.. (and a disappointment) So if you know what to get my brother for the holidays then let me know... because I have no fuckin clue!

Harry Potter 3

2004-11-23T11:37:00.001-08:00

Today is the day I've been looking forward to since I saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkabahn in theaters 8 months ago. At first viewing of the movie, I hated it. It was a sheer diasappointment, and wasn't the movie I expected it to be. However 8 months later I am excited once again to view the third installment of the Harry Potter story. I am hoping beyond hope that I come to enjoy this movie, and I hope that watching it a few times should do the trick. Other then that I have some exciting news. I won the poker tournament at my house again last night. That makes 4 in a row. I am seriously considering taking a trip down to Niagara Falls to that new casino that they built and trying my luck at the Hold Em tables. Still, however, the concern that I might lose... and lose big is driving me crazy. I don't know what to do... I know I have the skills and there is a lot of money to be won if I have nights like the nights I've been having of late. So Im gong to consider it somemore and I am asking those that read my blog to offer their opinions to what I should do.

Harry Potter 3

2004-11-23T11:37:00.000-08:00

A Pack of Smokes and Online Euchre

2004-11-16T17:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I have come to the conclusion lately that I smoke way to much. I bought a pack last night, and already it's almost gone. Thats way to much for me... but I love to smoke. It's relaxing for me and I enjoy the taste very much (lights a smoke right now). So other then that I don't have much to say right now... I like online euchre a lot. In fact I play quite often.. I think I will go play some right now.

Warm Thoughts for a Cold Night

2004-11-11T17:36:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it really hasn't sunk into eoples brains that the Fall Season really doesn't exist. Today is Rememberance Day (Nov. 11th) and that means that we are almost at the half way point for the month. The Christmas commercials have flooded the airwaves and the shopping network is blast easy gift ideas (for only 5 easy payments of $72.97) into the homes and brains of credit card users. Tonight the temperature is going to be in the negatives.... and this isn't the first time so far this year. It's cold people, learn to deal with it...... unless of course you live in a jungle or a desert.... but really, who is going to read this thing in a desert? I live just North of Toronto in the Province of Ontario in the wonderful country of Canadia... and for those who come to my house bitching and whining about the cold... fucking deal with it or get the hell outta my country. There are lots of things you can do to warm up... I recommend a hot cup of coffee and a fresh pack of cigarettes... but thats me. If you have a fireplace, use it! And if it's a wood burning fireplace switch to natural gas.. far superior to anything i've ever owned before (flick a switch and there you go instant fire) The other option is to stick your head up your ass because thats where it belongs if you didn't realize that if you live in Canada, you're going to be cold.

Ice for my sodie pop and a new game

2004-11-05T17:10:00.000-08:00

Ok, so as I'm sitting here waiting for my Mother to come home from the office (It's just after 8 by the way and this is the 4th time this week she has been this late grrrrrr) and I can hear the music from my paused video game in the living room upstairs. The game is called Fable and currently I believe it is only for X-Box. Let me just tell you.. the graphics and game play make this game possibly my new favourite time waster. With so many alternative endings you can play the game over and over and it changes everytime. Of course I still haven't played the new X-men game that came out a couple of months ago.. so I really can't be the judge of anything. However as far as RPG's go... this game is freakin awesome. So now I waiting anxiously for the Matron to return from the coal mines.. so i can go get some ice... God forbid any of us should drink warm pop...... and then a little swiss chalet for dinner and back to Fable... Then if I'm lucky perhaps some sleep.... heh heh. Nothing good is on tv on a friday night anyways. I'm such a dork..... but so are you if you are reading the rambling of this crazy old man...... im sleepy..... where's my pack of sugar cubes?

way to go Bush.... ya moron

2004-11-03T18:30:00.000-08:00

Ok so the election is over... in the end i don't give a shit because im Canadian and damned proud to be one. However I feel that Kerry should've been the next President of United States of Hilarity! Somehow, and in ways that im not quite certain of, Bush won Ohio (My Fave State by the way) and then Kerry just conceded. That was honarable of him. He knew it was over and just let it go. Good for you Kerry. However I feel that Dubbya has America hoodwinked and that if 9/11 hadnt've happened then America would have seen Bush for what he really is.. a blathering idiot who cannot put two sylables together. He's a monkey in a suit end of story. Kerry I'm sorry for your loss and I shudder at 4 more years... I'm sure Sperman is turning over in his grave.... On a brighter note the Canadian buck is worth more then has been in at least 10 years... 82.3 cents on the dollar...wooohoooo cheap American dollars! Smallville tonight.... who doesn't love a drama about a young Clark Kent?

Tuesdays.... blahhhhh

2004-11-02T02:03:00.000-08:00

ok so recently in my life i had the wonderful experience of being broken into.... just so everyone knows it is a horrible thing to wake up to. That being said I want to talk about Tuesdays. Tuesdays suck beyond all words that could possibly explain the word suck... got a word to describe suck.. well it doesn't do it justice. Here's why tuesdays suck... first of all it's garbage day and I hate garbage day, i get up early and my whole day is ruined because of garbage water (eeeewww garbage water). Secondly there is nothing about the word Tuesday that is fun. It's the day after Monday.... and it ain't any closer to the fun filled weekend you are looking forward to. There really isn't anything good to watch on tv during the evening... except for maybe Father of the Pride.. thank you NBC for bringing me John Goodman as a Lion and add Carl Reiner as the Grandfather Lion.. what could be funnier. So I'm stuck watching the Food Network all night and personally I really don't like Michael Smith now that he cut his hair. Andf what ever happened to Emeral Lagasse? Anybody seen that guy? So Tuesdays suck - end of story!

Things I ain't Ready to Admit

2004-10-13T14:59:00.000-07:00

Ok so there are a lot of things that I am not ready to admit to the outside world.... Some of you may be thinking that the things I am not ready to admit are the obvious ones, but they are not. I once had reams and aspirations..... But now they are fleeting. Mostly I am not ready to admit that I cannot change the world, and to tell you the truth that is a little frightening to me. As a kid I was always told that I could change the world, that I could make an impact... But now I am here.. 22 years old not knowing where the next paycheck is coming from. The collectors are knocking at my door, I feel huge, I can't sleep in regular intervals, and most of my friends have left me behind... But to tell you the truth that is all my fault.. I really should have gotten off my ass 3 years ago. So I am trying not to get depressed but I am failing miserably... In fact I am miserable.

2004-10-13T12:21:00.000-07:00

it's impossible to not find her attaractive

So This is the First

2004-10-10T16:20:00.000-07:00

So here we go... the first Blog by Caleb "the Caleb" Levine. Often I am confused for a less beautiful version of Zero Mostel... which isn't saying much to tell you the truth. I often wish that people would stop telling me that I am addicted to this damn computer... so what if i am... and its not so much the computer i am addicted to.... it's online Euchre. So tell me if you are interested in me updating this thing on a regular basis..... have a question for the confused fat man.. then ask. Having troubles and need someone to talk too then post and i'll get back to you... im here for you all so use me (heh heh heh)